writer's block produces:

discoveries:

-the gym
-the wonderfulness of losing weight
-how much i miss canada & everything that went along with this year
-this blog has turned out to be pointless
-i don't care about anything here, and i'm living in a daze
-i forgot how much i love reading

acknowledgements:

-the sabres do not SUCK. they are wonderful, but ... something just.. happened this series.
-to my canadian friends : shut up about above's point.
-writer's block kills.

i guess i'll find something more creative to put in here soon...

So Happy Together

there are only a few things that make me proud to be from buffalo. the buffalo sabres being one of them. if you've been watching the playoffs, you know how well they've been doing. tonight they start their war against the dreadful ottawa senators. and honestly, i have to go against lovely canada for this one. i'm reppin the sabres! if you didn't already know, when these two teams played against each other this past season, there were two ridiculous games with Chris Drury's head being cut open and Peters getting into a fight with the Senator's goalie Emery, etc etc.

watch this video, it will give you a chuckle.

must be the moon

sometimes your imagination gets the better of you. there's a storm that has twirled itself up into high speeds inside your head. it tears loose all of those files you've established and lets them fall somewhere totally unpredictable. you need to find someplace to hide. you need that stable feeling of safety; someone's arms to grace the already standing hairs on your own, someone to open up that umbrella to shield you from the storm. even just a warm spot under a blanket by the fire would be nice. maybe even a cup of tea. you want to lock your fingers around that tea cup don't you? well you can't. it's too big; full of all your sorrowful tears of how you aren't good enough. not for the "real world" yet. there's always someone better. laughing at you behind a silk screen. there are days where you sit on your couch that's adjacent to that perfect picture window, and you look out, thinking "how am i here during all of this chaos?" well kid, you're here for something, you have to be. you may not have found it yet, but the storm won't last forever. you'll pull through. it may not be the cliche moment from the movies you've always hoped for, but it's something. life comes at you in the most random forms sometimes - whether it is a photograph of a mysterious building or a late night conversation via interweb. everything means something in my book.

periscope

part two:

i am officially done first year of university. it's a feat i'm pretty proud of. but it's also something almost everyone else accomplishes. i can't wait until i do something not just anyone can do. i am home for the summer, and i'm already bored. my mom has begun diagnosing every single problem that i have starting from the moment she walked into the door. so if you're curious, she thinks that i have an allergy to gluten. and i'm pretty sure she's right, but i don't want to admit it. with a serious allergy like that, i can't eat any of the food i usually eat and love, and ... no beer! that will be okay though. byebyecheapdrinks though. so yeah. i'm home, i'm bored, i'm lonely, and i'm sad, the classic first summer of a university student. three and a half more months to go...

today i had the best car ride with my dad ever. i had made mixes for the way home, and he had one of his old tapes with him. we made up a system to switch after every song. A little bit of Klaxons, a little bit of the Talking Heads. Some of Broken Social Scene, some of the B-52's. From Beck to The Police and Deerhoof to some crazy band from Buffalo that once asked if my mom could play saxophone with them. I realized on this drive home where I've gotten my love for music from. My dad has an amazing collection and knows so much, while my mom's got hidden talents like saxophone. I also realized how proud I am of myself for being musical like this. I'm excited for my life to come, even if it will suffer a few bumps and bruises.

with that being said ... i have a question i want answered, truthfully...
in order to be a great writer, do you have to suffer for or from something first?

frozen in time

part one:

i'm having one of those long periods of time when i've lost all feeling.
i've become numb to my surroundings.
i can't even form words together to express myself.
i'm sure i'll come-to within the next few days.

to be continued...

every night's another story

you might use alcohol or drugs or long bubble baths to "solve your problems" but what gets me into a calm (or excited) state of mind is live music. nothing can ever replace something like this for me. i'll always have the same feeling, and i'll always have the same buzz after. with weeks like this past one (counting since friday, and *sigh* it's only monday..) it was a damn good idea to go to a show for me. i've been freaking out since friday about new health problems that have arisen and have scared the living daylights out of me, grades, the end of the year, and how i keep messing stuff up with everything i attempt to do right.

i remember the times where i got to concerts early so i could be in the front row because i fed off the energy of the performers, and i bounced the energy right back to them. i love everything from the crazy lights to the motions each musician makes according to their instrument. from the happy looks on their faces to the singing crowds. when i know the words to the songs everything seems to fall into place. i can't help but move to the beat. the song lives inside of me and it shakes me to my core (in a good way). i'll take a deep breath and everything's serene for just that moment. the music is in my face and i don't want it to leave. the energy-bounce is everything to a musician and to the crowd. the more energy, the more fun. the bass line is like your marionette puppet, guiding you, letting you jump or just feel the flow. the drums shake you and shake you again. the keyboard pokes you to dance. the guitars feul your essence. the vocals wrap around your head, let it sink in, and wait for your reaction.

there will be times where i'll think that i'll get sick of live music and go onto something else, but it never fails me. i'll always love it, everything about it. (well, minus the annoying crowds, i could go on forever about the different crowds, in fact i probably will sometime soon, ha.) i don't get this feeling from anything else (i know, not even alcohol!) and it's my feul for the interesting future i'm striving to achieve.

this is who i am and it's never going to change. and in this moment, i'm really happy about it.

inside+out

the two things that have been giving me a lot of anxiety over are done with.
1- we signed the lease for the duplex & deposited the money. it's now ours, we fought for it, eliminated the competition, and got the place that we cannot wait to live in. it was a damn race. i'm beyond excited. we have a lot of plans. i can't get over the fact of how lucky we got.
2- eyeopener elections are overwith. the pub night was fun, and i met a ton of really great people. i had one of my "happy to be a journalist" moments. and then i lost. so.... meh. obviously i need some time to myself to be a sore loser but all in all, laura's going to do a fantastic job and i'm really happy for her. now i just need to find a job for next year. will probably end up in something grossly retail. lovely. does anybody have any connections to music or photography stores?

the stuff might be overwith, but for some reason the anxiety is still there and it actually physically hurts. meh. 16 more days until i move out of here. it's crazy to think that this year is over, it's gone quicker than any year has ever gone for me. i've gained so many things this year though, amazing friends, tons of drunken excitement, life lessons, blahblahblah. i'm really grateful for this year, and even though i'm sad for it to be over, i'm glad for this chapter to be over, to get on to bigger and better things. i'm also quite sick of residence. *sigh*.

journalism's giving me a lot of heck lately. every day my opinion on it changes. which could be good or bad. good in the sense that i've got to find the right things to motivate me, bad in the sense that it creates doubt. one huge thing for me though was picking up this semesters Ryerson Review of Journalism. it's gorgeous and really interesting, which surprised me because i remembered picking up last years and wanting to gag. it made me really excited to stream into magazine (if i get it). people keep telling me i'm going all "hardcore journalism on their asses" or "being really brave" for running for an eye position, but i don't really believe them. i don't feel like i'm doing enough. funny, i'm set on this, but i can't catch up on my readings in time for exams. i'm determined and i cannot let my peers and teachers get me down about it. i haven't dreamt about anything like this for this long.

i'm craving new music, so i just downloaded like 20 new cds on DC++. oh how i'll miss it next year. i crave new music about twice a week and it drives me nuts. have you ever had those days (or weeks for me) where you just dont feel like listening to anything because nothing feels like it will work right to what's going on with you at that moment? thank god today broke that dry spell. i'm now listening to a Feist mix cd, and it's beautiful. i'm still angry nobody would go with me to her show next month.

i'm going to leave you with three youtube videos. this week i discovered the amazing-ness of youtube, and i was hooked. the first two videos are 15 seconds long and have no sound. the third is the encore from the decemberists show i mentioned in the previous post and you must watch it, it is AMAZING.

here's the Shins from St. Pattys Day -- its part of "Australia"


here's the Decemberists from last weekend -- it's the beginning of "The Island"


here's some person's video of the Decemberists encore "The Mariner's Revenge." amazing. watch out for the whale!